Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
