He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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