I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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