Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
