I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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