Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
