Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
