Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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