She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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