i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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