I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
