it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
