After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
tell me about the eggs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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