you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
