Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
