So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
