these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
