trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
