I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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