We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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