First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
