You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sobbing to NWA
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Shame - the story of my life.
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