she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
