worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
