how can u be prego again
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
