one two three fourrrrnication!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
