I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
