I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
