there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
