i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
