im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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