I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
