you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
