I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
