I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
