We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
