You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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