That's when you crack a 10am beer
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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