I can text with my tongue
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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