he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
