Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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