MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
