is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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