If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He felt like a one man threesome
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
