shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
false alarm, still single
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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