Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
