Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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