Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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