i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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