this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
