I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
