Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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