So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Are we still banned from the library?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
