why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
