so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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