So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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