But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
