oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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