my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?