You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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