Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV