you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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