this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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