his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this will be a night to untag.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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