"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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