made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't think brook has ever known best
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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